remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
