i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
