Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
