i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
