let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
