We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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