Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
