Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
