May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
