dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
