I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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