On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My life is pants optional.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
