The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
