you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
