I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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