I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
