my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
