I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
