Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
