he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize