Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
