I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
