I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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