youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
