just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
