The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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