Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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