Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
