he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
