the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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