matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
