ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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