he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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