fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
