so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
