if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
