haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
