I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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