I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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