here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
