don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
