doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
