life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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