Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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