He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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