I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It's just like the Real World with babies
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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