I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
