You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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