sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
