and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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