I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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