Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
