She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
