Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
