Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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